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You never have to worry and wonder whether you have enough love (04/08/15)

We are here on Earth to learn to love. That is not to say ‘to have a lover’! We need to learn how to love.
Every relationship serves this purpose. Even when the relationship breaks up, it serves the same purpose. It makes no sense to complain and cry over the end of a relationship. What makes sense is to learn your lessons from your previous relationship. See it as a learning experience, see what you need to learn and what to do differently next time and go forward.

No relationship is meaningless; every relationship serves a purpose.

Sometimes, relationships are just there to open our eyes, to teach us something about ourselves. Each relationship brings us somehow closer to the goal of our relationships: to love ourselves (so we can love others). Some relationships show us what we never will accept again. Their purpose was for us to realize how we don’t want to be treated! Often, a relationship is 'sacrificed' for this lesson, but it is a very valuable lesson! Comfort yourself with the thought that it was the purpose of that relationship. The relationship served to find out what you really want and what you can and will no longer accept in the behavior of others towards you. You now  better understand how you want to be treated. The relationship served this purpose, so you become aware of what you do and do not want to accept in a subsequent relationship.

All the emotions you feel in your relationship or at the end of it are okay. Feel them! If there is pain, allow yourself to feel the pain; give it a place without wallowing in it. An emotion lasts for 9 seconds; after that it’s a choice. Don’t drown in self-pity; look honestly at your own behavior and your part in the situation. Learn your lesson and move on.

The most important thing is this: never forget that you must learn to love yourself. You are a Child of the Universe (God) and you are always loved. The fact that someone has left you does not change anything to your intrinsic worth. This remains unchanged forever and is not determined by the behavior of someone else or by whether or not you are in a relationship. This fact doesn’t change anything about your basic worth. We forget that we are loving, lovely beings and have been and will be loved forever by our Creator and by many human (and other) beings too. In fact we are loved by All there Is.

This all-surrounding love is like a soup we are swimming in. It’s not because we are not conscious about this “soup of love”, that it does not exist! Indeed, we have forgotten this all-surrounding love; we can’t feel it anymore; we go looking for love from other people, often in a desperate and manipulative manner. This is so sad, because we ARE love. We don’t NEED the love of other humans, because we ARE love. We have to remember this, and then we are able to GIVE love instead of manipulate others to get some attention and some love. What is the value of this love if we have to struggle to get it? This does not work. We must learn to feel self-love, love for ourselves, and then we will be able to step out of the ‘needy program’ and leave others free instead of manipulating them in controlling relationships. Then we are free and able to love in an authentic way without wanting something from the other.  

'To love' does not mean 'to have a lover’.  Try to think, not in terms of 'to give and take love', but of ‘to be love’. Love is no bookkeeping. So, replace the verbs 'have and take' by ‘be’. This brings us a lot closer to what love really is and to the purpose of our relationships: to be love. When we are able to BE love, we are able to be IN love.

We are here to learn to love, to remind us that we ARE in fact love and that we never have to worry whether we have enough love. We simply forget that we are made of Infinite Love and that the essence of our being is Love. Each relationship brings us closer to this realization.

You can read more about love and relationships in my book "Will you always love me?"

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